


a long time coming

by anotherdirtycomputer



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: (kind of), Abuse, Canonical Character Death, Dragon Age Quest: Alone, Gen, Guilt, Minor Character Death, Slavery, Trauma, Victim Blaming, hawke's party is only mentioned, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-15 21:43:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16071920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherdirtycomputer/pseuds/anotherdirtycomputer
Summary: Fenris leaves The Hanged Man after killing Danarius.





	a long time coming

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this back in may. it's a bit personal in nature, and darker than my usual stuff. there's not really a happy ending. please heed the warnings in the tags.
> 
> warning, too, for discussion of abuse in the end notes.

Killing Danarius had been easy.

His blood spilled like any other man's. His body fell with the same familiar, heavy thud Fenris was so used to feeling in the soles of his feet. His eyes took the same unseeing gaze that all men’s eyes one day would.

Killing Danarius had been _so easy._

Fenris feels the heavy ache in his chest grow and grow, feels the fear itch at the back of his neck even as Hawke leads the party away from the Hanged Man. He hangs behind, letting the others walk ahead, lets them lead his heavy body towards Hightown. He does not fully trust his own feet to carry him forward on their own, even as they take him further and further away from his crime - _his victory_.

Killing Danarius had been easy, hadn’t it? It was meant to remain easy. He is meant to, for the first time, feel truly, completely safe. The bonds are broken, the chains undone. His master is dead. He is supposed to be free.

Yet, those hands linger even now. Danarius still speaks, his words clear and proud. His throat will never make noise again, cut and bleeding as it was, dead as he is, but his words remain in Fenris's head the entire walk to Hightown, through every room of the mansion, and all the way under his few blankets.

He doesn’t remember leaving Hawke and the others. He doesn’t remember taking off his armor.

Fenris closes his eyes, trying to close out the world, and shivers on his cot as Danarius talks and talks and _mocks him_ and hates him. The disapproval of his master is boiling, blistering, even now. He feels raw, and small. He rolls on his side as Danarius asks questions he will never hear the answers to. One may wish for quiet in the confusion of some great storm, but the most that can be done is wait for the storm to pass. Or, occasionally, hope the storm falls away into white noise.

Danarius does not fall away into white noise. He never does. He never did.

Fenris closes his eyes, covers his face with his hands, and feels the terrible ache in his heart. It is a feeling best avoided, and one he tries very hard to forget. Sometimes, he succeeds. Tonight is not one of those nights. Instead, the night passes slowly, the hours punctuated by the familiar pain of ~~missing him~~  fearing him, and all the other terrible feelings that come with it.

Eventually, he falls into a fitful sleep, and dreams of him, a strange concoction half nightmare and half memory. The Fade is flashes of heat and punishment, old scars given voice one more time, too many times, before shifting into the foul, familiar memory of Qunari blood staining his face, of two familiar arms wrapping themselves around him, of his master sounding amused and delighted as he whispers to Fenris, “ _Good boy_.” Sometimes, the dream is different from Fenris’s reality, and memory makes way into cruel fantasy. This time, he does not run, and he cannot blame the branching path of his own story on the machinations of a demon.

It’s only him.

When he wakes, it is by sunlight, with a dry mouth and a dirty feeling under his skin. Danarius is dead, and it takes Fenris a chilling moment to remember, and another moment after to keep himself from retching. The loss - _the gain, the_ **_gain_ ** \- hurts more than it should.

He craves wine.

**Author's Note:**

> not every abuser is a danarius, but that doesn't make the affects of abuse (even abuse that seems "small") any less damaging.
> 
> if you feel that you may currently be in an abusive situation, then know that there are people who can and will help you get out. please, don't be afraid to reach out to these people, whether they are your friends, your family, members of your community, or people in authority. this can be frightening, or dangerous, but you are so much stronger than you think you are. while you may feel powerless, believe me when i say that you aren't. you are a strong, incredible person, and you deserve to be safe, happy, healthy, and treated with kindness.
> 
> thank you for reading.


End file.
